Uncle Quinn's Curious Chronicles of Old America
15 Hilarious Stories of American History From the Guy You Wish Was Your High School History Teacher
I love American History and it’s filled with hilarious stories. Here are 15 of them that will crack you up and leave a smile on your face, and maybe teach you some American History or inspire you to go research something on your own. Happy Reading!
The Ain’t American History Fun Series
Did You Know That Ben Franklin Wrote an Essay on Farting?
Gather 'round, history buffs and gas enthusiasts alike, because it is time to clear the air about one of America’s most "fragrant" Founding Fathers. While most people remember Benjamin Franklin for flying a kite in a thunderstorm or appearing on the hundred-dollar bill, they often omit his most "moving" contribution to the world of science. In 1781, wh…
Andrew Jackson's Cursing Parrot
If you thought Ben Franklin’s "scent-iments" were a bit much for polite society, wait until you hear about the bird that gave "giving someone the bird" a literal and very profane meaning. We are heading to 1845, to the Hermitage in Tennessee, for the funeral of America’s seventh president, Andrew Jackson. It was a day meant for somber reflection and di…
Jefferson Cuts the Cheese
You’ve survived the sulfurous fumes of Ben Franklin's scientific satire, and you’ve weathered the profane storm of Andrew Jackson’s parrot. Welcome, history lovers, to Volume 3 of our "Historical Gas" collection, where we address the largest, most "mature" political statement ever to hit the Executive Mansion: The Mammoth Cheese. We are heading back to…
Abe’s Great Escape (Through a Window)
If you thought Ben Franklin’s digestive theories were a "stretch," or that Jackson’s parrot had a "loose" beak, wait until you hear about the time the future Savior of the Union decided to become a human catapult. We are heading to 1840, to Springfield, Illinois, where a young, gangly Abraham Lincoln proved that even the most "upright" politician is no…
George Washington's Eggnog
George Washington was famous for his eggnog, a legendary concoction that was essentially a bowl of liquid fire. While the "Father of our Country" had been dead for 27 years by the winter of 1826, his holiday recipe lived on as a glorious, dairy-based threat to national security. Washington’s personal instructions called for a heavy-handed mix of brandy,…
John Quincy Adams goes skinny dipping
John Quincy Adams may have been the most highly educated and stiffly proper man ever to hold the presidency, but when it came to his 5:00 AM fitness routine, he was apparently fine with a dress code that consisted of absolutely nothing. While other presidents used the executive mansion as a place of business, Adams preferred to use the Potomac River as…
Thomas Jefferson takes a razor to the Bible
Thomas Jefferson was a man who worshipped at the altar of Reason, and he had absolutely no patience for anything he couldn't explain with a slide rule or a microscope. While he considered himself a follower of the moral teachings of Jesus, he found the supernatural parts of the New Testament to be a bit... "cluttered." So, in 1804, the sitting President…
The Commander-in-Chief Versus the Goat
President Benjamin Harrison was a man who took himself very seriously. He was stiff, formal, and possessed all the natural charisma of a Victorian bookshelf. He was certainly not a man built for high-stakes cardio. However, his reputation for icy professionalism was permanently derailed the day he was forced into a public, high-speed footrace against a …
Zachary Taylor Tosses His Cookies and Then Dies
Zachary Taylor was a career general who looked like he was carved out of a single, gristly piece of beef jerky. His nickname was "Old Rough and Ready," a title he earned by surviving the dysentery-ridden swamps of the Mexican-American War and dodging more lead than a pencil factory. He was supposed to be indestructible—the kind of frontier legend who u…
A Hump Day Disaster
In the 1850s, the U.S. Army looked at the vast, arid, sand-choked landscape of the American Southwest and came to a stunning realization: their expensive horses were basically decorative lawn ornaments in the desert. The frontier was "un-neigh-gotiable" for standard military equine. Enter Jefferson Davis—U.S. Secretary of War and future leader of the C…
Take me out to the ball game
Moving along from all the crazy stories about our presidents, it’s time to prove that the average American citizen is just as capable of total, unhinged chaos—provided you give them enough cheap motivation. In 1974, that motivation was exactly ten cents. That’s right: for the price of a phone call, the Cleveland Indians offered a one-way ticket to "Lag…
The Swine Stalemate
Moving along from all the crazy stories about our presidents, it’s time to prove that even the most mundane farm animal can trigger a global crisis if everyone involved is stubborn enough. In this case, the catalyst for war wasn't a disputed border or a stolen treasure; it was a hungry hog and some unfortunate potatoes.
The Holy Water of the Ohio
Moving along from all the crazy stories about our presidents, it’s time to prove that when you try to take away an American’s drink, they’ll find a way to turn a literal river into a happy hour. During Prohibition, the feds were "cask-bound" and determined to keep the country sober, but they drastically underestimated the "spirit" of the local populati…
The Great Molasses Flood
Moving along from all the crazy stories about our presidents, it’s time to prove that even a pancake topping can become a weapon of mass destruction if you store enough of it in a flimsy bucket. In this case, the bucket was a 50-foot-tall steel tank, and the topping was 2.3 million gallons of fermenting industrial molasses.
The Great Bat Bomb Blunder
Moving along from all the crazy stories about our presidents—and even the baseball riots and molasses floods—it’s time to prove that when the American military really focuses on a "hare-brained" idea, they can achieve a level of absurdity that borders on genius. This is the story of Project X-Ray, better known as the "Bat Bomb."