Who is more evil, Satan or Trump?
Hint....it's not even close.
Ice-T has never been one to mince words, but this latest "endorsement" of the Underworld takes the cake. While the quote in your image is likely a masterpiece of internet satire (Ice-T usually sticks to calling the former president an "absolute piece of sh*t" in more conventional terms), the logic is weirdly sound.
If we’re doing a side-by-side performance review, Satan’s LinkedIn profile is looking surprisingly wholesome compared to the 45th President’s rap sheet. Here is the definitive breakdown of why the Prince of Darkness might just be the "lesser of two evils."
Satan vs. Trump: The Ultimate Performance Review
1. The Body Count (Literally)
In the Bible, the statistics are fairly lopsided. Depending on how you count, Satan is directly responsible for about 10 deaths (mostly Job’s family, and even then, he had to ask for permission first).
Trump, meanwhile, presided over a pandemic response that saw hundreds of thousands of American lives lost, often while suggesting we might want to "look into" injecting bleach or shining UV lights inside our lungs.
2. The Property Management
Satan manages one single, high-density location: Hell. It’s consistent, the heating always works, and there are no reports of him overvaluing the lava pits to get better bank loans.
Trump manages various gold-plated towers and Mar-a-Lago, where he famously valued his triplex apartment at $327 million despite it being a third of the size he claimed. Even the Devil wouldn't try to pull that kind of fraud on a bank—he knows he'd get caught in the audit.
3. The Felony Count
Ice-T recently noted that Trump has "more fing felonies than all my criminal friends put together."* With 34 felony convictions in New York alone (and more pending), Trump is a certified record-breaker.
Satan has zero documented felonies. He was evicted for a "disagreement with management," which is technically just a civil matter. He hasn't once been indicted for hush-money payments to a desert demon or for hoarding top-secret angelic scrolls in a bathroom at the bottom of a pit.
4. Personal Loyalty
Satan is famously loyal to his brand. He’s been doing the same job for eternity. He doesn't throw his "Minions of the Void" under the bus the moment a subpoena arrives.
Trump has a revolving door of staff that goes from "The Best People" to "Low-Level Coffee Gophers" faster than you can say "Pardon me." From Mike Pence to Rudy Giuliani, if you work for Trump, the bus is eventually coming for you.
The Theological Plot Twist: Is Satan Actually the Good Guy?
If we look at the source material, Satan is basically the world’s first whistleblower. He saw a system he didn't like, staged a walkout, and has been providing a necessary service for the "bad guys" ever since.
He Values Knowledge: In the Garden of Eden, he didn't give Eve a poisoned apple; he gave her the "Tree of Knowledge." He wanted people to be educated. Trump, on the other hand, famously loves "the poorly educated" and spent four years trying to dismantle the Department of Education.
He’s an Equal Opportunity Employer: Satan doesn't care about your border status, your tax bracket, or your golf handicap. If you're a sinner, you're in.
He Doesn't Lie About Who He Is: You know what you're getting with the Devil. He doesn't promise to "Make Earth Great Again" while pocketing the tithe money. He’s the Prince of Lies, sure, but he’s remarkably transparent about his intentions.
The Verdict
As Ice-T (might have) implied: Satan may be the source of all evil, but at least he hasn't tried to sell us a $60 "God Bless the USA" Bible while simultaneously facing 91 original criminal charges.
"I'd rather do a deal with the Devil. At least he honors the contract." — Overheard at a very frustrated Law & Order: SVU set, probably.
Do you think the GOP would ever consider a primary challenge from the Morning Star, or is he 'too woke' for their current platform?
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